It's Only Asperger's

I can’t stand when someone tells me, “Oh, it’s only Asperger’s!” It really gets me riled up. Yes, autism is a spectrum disorder and Asperger’s does fall on the high functioning end but it IS autism. I have actually had people ask me why Andy has to go to that special school. I couldn’t believe it. Children with Asperger’s do not typically have any delay in speech; in fact they often have what is known as Little Professor Verbose. The Aspies, as they are affectionately known, tend to have wonderful vocabularies and amazing speaking skills.  Andy was using words like quantify at the age of 4. Seriously. They are often gifted, my son, for example, has a great gift for math, his first day of Kindergarten he did not color in the picture, he flipped over the paper and did square roots on the back. Seriously.  But because my son can speak quite well and has a good head on his shoulders does not mean that he does not have autism. 

Asperger’s children have a difficult time with relating to others. My son actually prefers the company of adults, he finds them easier to talk to, and more interested in the same things he is. God bless my 8 year old Godson Elliot who at least pretends to be interested when Andy tries to engage in a conversation about the stock market or history of printed currency with him. But unfortunately the Elliots of the world are few and far between.  Most typical children simply to not relate to my son, and there you see the autism. He is limited in his interests, for Andy, it’s cats and anything that has to do with numbers (money, calculators, clocks, watches, etc…) and seldom does he even speak more than a word about other things.  He has difficulty with imagination so rather than play with action figures he’d rather add numbers.  He also has a very limited sense of humor and he doesn’t appreciate when others laugh at things which he construes as stupid instead of funny.  We played store and I said that the bananas were $26.00 a pound, he hit me. Seriously.  He also gets so involved in what he is doing that he tunes out everything else. I can call his name 50 times and he will not hear me due to the intense concentration. Seriously.

Wherever someone falls on the spectrum, their autism will manifest itself differently. But you need to show respect and not judge the validity of someone’s diagnosis just because it is not immediately evident to you. I’ll be honest, I feel blessed to have an Aspie, the prognosis for his future is great.  As long as I keep giving him the support he needs maybe he can fall in with others who have an official diagnosis of Asperger’s or were suspected to….Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford, George Washington, Marilyn Monroe, Isaac Newton, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Robin Williams, Mozart, Vincent Van Gough, Emily Dickinson, Beethoven, Alexander Graham Bell….and I could go on and on! Pretty interesting group! I love my son who                                                                             has autism, my son who has Asperger's!

Maury Moment

Crayola Factory Fun!

My fiancé, Elias, has been in my life since Andy was 2. His father, unfortunately, has never wanted to be part of his life. This puts me in a sticky situation. Andy doesn’t understand that Eli isn’t his father and hasn’t put 2 and 2 together and wonder why he doesn’t call him Dad.  Andy is very smart and has the capacity to understand the situation but we are certain he could not handle the emotional impact. I’m worried, confused. When or how do I tell a child who loves every single person they meet that their very own father has abandoned him? Not to mention his other set of grandparents who live less than 5 miles away haven’t seen him since he was 5 months old. I wrestle with this all the time.  When he asks about his father I tell him, “Eli chose to be your father,” which is an absolute truth.  But someday I think the questions will get harder.

Complicating things a bit more is that Andy has a ½ sister named Kayla, that my son’s biological father’s side of the family will not let him meet. When I was in communication with them when Andy was very small they did not even want her to know that Andy existed. My hands are tied, I’m not sure what to do. But I do know it doesn’t seem fair, to either Kayla or Andy. 

The only comfort I have is knowing that my family adores Andy and Elias’ parents treat Andy as if he were their true grandson.  Sometimes biology or genetics don’t really factor in in order to figure out who your family is. As long as your surround your child with those who love him I think it will all turn out alright! 

Beach Bash

A few weeks ago my mother, son and I had one of the best days of our lives! We attended Autism Services of New Jersey’s 8th Annual Beach Bash in Belmar.  It’s one of those stress-free days because you know even if your child has a meltdown or does anything peculiar no one is going to look at you funny. The event was totally amazing.  There were booths of different services for the autism community in fact, his school was one of the first booths we visited. But they had everything from gluten-free food samples, to various kinds of therapies, even health insurance companies.  There was another set of tents full of crafts, another filled with games, and 2 others filled with food. There was even a DJ in the middle of everything else inspiring everyone to get out and bust a move! Best part, everything was free of charge! Whole Foods donated generous amounts of food to cater the affair and Surf Taco also shared some delicious fare. 

Fun in the sun!

 But perhaps the best part of the day was the water.  My son loves water, our pool at home, the lake on which my parents’ summer home sits, his many trips to Niagara Falls…the boy loves water, it has a calming effect on him.  I sat back in the sand watching him bask in the sun as the waves crashed over him.  I can’t put my finger on the calming effect but watching the other children I know it’s not just Andy.  Must be something to it though I have never researched it but his school did add a swimming program last year. 

 I just love seeing Andy so free, so unrestrained.  He was also quite social with a few girls who were insistent upon playing in the water with him, so nice to see! The event also had surf lessons available but I know Andy isn’t ready for that yet but maybe another time.  This is the second time we have been to an Autism Services get-together and they always exceed my expectations.  I truly cannot wait for the next one!

Affirmation

I’ve been an absolute mess this week. No matter what I was doing or supposed to be concentrating on all I thought about were the medication changes that my son was going through. Well, my mind is pretty much at ease now. We have had an amazing 6 days on the new dose. There have been no bad side effects, I can barely believe, it was one of those situations where I prepared for the worst but got the best.  I am thrilled. My brother has spent a significant amount of time with my son since the med change and he can't believe how quickly there has been such positive change! My son actually had a somewhat-normal sense of humor this week. I literally thought something was wrong with how hard he was laughing at reruns of Full House.  

 I often wonder who my son is under the mask of all these medications and I think we are on our way to finding out.  Even though watching my son’s behavior has been reassurance enough to know I did the right thing, it got better than that. He, the boy who HATES to write (polar opposite of his mother), wrote me a letter at school one day. He told that he is so very happy to be off some of his pills and that he is going to try his best to behave and prove to me that he doesn’t need them. It brought tears to my eyes and I stuck it on the refrigerator door as a little reminder that I made the right decision, taking a risk was the right thing. 

Scared Mommy

Wow…it’s hard to admit it but I am scared to death. I took Andy to the doctor this evening for a med reevaluation. The doctor agreed that it would be prudent to make some changes. Changes can be scary no matter what but when the doctor warns you that there could be serious consequences since he has been on the meds so long you almost think twice.  I literally sat there doubting whether or not to change things even though lowering the amount of medicine that he takes has been tops on my to-do list for years, literally. Being warned that your child may end up having some sort of serious aggressive behavior or meltdown that could lead to hospitalization is scary! But this is the chance, and I have no idea when another one may come along.

So, we’re heading down a new path tomorrow, the changes in med doses are immediate. I’m already stressed out just thinking about it. My son hates taking pills so I know  he should be happy just by taking fewer, but I pray the withdrawal symptoms are mild or non-existent.  One of my son’s common complaints is that he is always tired, and this new doctor was able to identify the meds that may be causing him to feel that way.  Side effects of meds these days are often worse than the condition they are treating! So between less pills and perhaps not being so tired, maybe things will be better. It’s so hard to know sometimes if you are making the right decision or not but in this case I think the only bad decision would not be trying to get  him off  (at least some) of the medication. Wish us luck!

Party Time

We celebrated the big 1-0 with an awesome cake!

One of the main challenges facing kids on the autism spectrum has to do with socialization. They may not be able to develop the social skills necessary to act appropriately in certain situations. This may often lead to small peer groups and lack of involvement in typical activities. One of the greatest joys I have had since my son started at a school with children who have similar social issues is being able to finally let Andy experience some of the joys of childhood. I remember the first time we got an invitation to a classmate’s birthday party, it was so exciting! It was so sweet to see the children interacting beyond the walls of Celebrate the Children. The joy they bring to each other really made my heart melt. I knew I’d have to do the same for Andy.

So for the past three years I have hosted birthday parties, but not just for the kids, the party serves double duty. Not only do the children have a great time but the parents get to connect. Since CTC isn’t a public school, families are spread out among 3 states, many of us about an hour from school. Sometimes it’s just not possible for weekend play dates, and with today’s hectic lifestyles we simply don’t have the time.  So, I set up birthday parties near Andy’s school, which is within a decent driving range for everyone, though I admit that it is not very convenient. The past 2 years we have enjoyed bowling, it’s fun to watch the kids play, the parents relax (or some were bowling too!) and for everyone to feel comfortable with the people they were around. I treasure the memories of the parties we have had and been to and always look forward to the next time! 

Happy Birthday Boy!!!

He's Why I'm Here

Some people may wonder why I decided to go back to school at my age. Well, simply said it’s because of my son. I already have a few degrees, business and hotel/restaurant management. My initial intention career-wise was to work in the hospitality industry and travel around the world. Shortly after I got hired by Hilton I had the little guy. After I stayed home with Andrew for a year I thought I had better prepare for a more 9-5 type of job, didn’t think the long hours and 7 day-a-week work schedules of hotel employees was really the best thing to do as a single mother. I grew up with a mother who was a nurse and I hated her working crazy hours and holidays, I didn’t want to do that to my son. So, when Andy was 2 I went back to school at Raritan Valley Community College and earned my Paralegal Certification. I was never able to get my foot in the door as a paralegal because I lacked the all-important experience. So, I just continued my job as a substitute high school teacher.


When Andy started school I decided I wanted to be a teacher full-time so I went back Raritan Valley to start my studies. Unfortunately in the beginning of that fall semester was when he was diagnosed with autism. I was able to leave school and take care of all the new challenges that were in front of us. Suddenly my calendar was filled with appointments with all sorts of professionals who were supposed to be helping my son. School went on the back burner longer than anticipated due to my own battle with illness as well. A few years later, however, once Andrew was settled into an appropriate school, I was too bored just staying at home. So, that’s how I ended up here at wonderful Kean University for a second time. I am in my final year of post-bachelor’s work in the hopes of eventually teaching high school English.  It doesn’t bother me to be “old” and in school, I know that being a teacher will be something that I will love and give me the best opportunity to be there for my son when he needs me. It’s the best of both worlds!